- Be positive everyday!!!!!!! If you wake up starting off feeling crappy, you will feel crappy the entire day through. So remember to be happy! You have no reason to be sad. You have an entire life ahead of you, so treasure it and be happy all the time!
- If you think you’re going to feel crappy, SNAP OUT OF IT RIGHT AWAY BEFORE IT SPREADS!!
- There is no reason to be sad. You’re just making stuff up in your mind to recompensate for Richie not being there. If you’re happy with your life, he will be happy too.
- Think about how much you love Richie right now. That’s how much he loves you, if not more. I don’t know how I came to be so attached to this boy. In the beginning, I didn’t even want to date him. Now, I can’t stop thinking about him.
- Have FAITH in his love for you. A woman like you is not easily let go.
- Remember to have confidence in yourself. Confidence kills insecurities.
I can’t wait until I get to go home and see my family! I miss them a lot and they are going to be a good emotional support once I am away from Richie. Although I know that being with them means it would be harder to see him (parents are strict), I am 23 afterall and I would have had a college degree by December. There is only so little they can limit me. I think that’s the one thing I worry about when I move back home, them being strict.
Last night, I had a good time talking on the phone with Richie. He was playing a game called “Eden Eternal” with his friends John and Andrew. I thought that was kind of cool. I like when he’s having fun with his friends, you know? I like that he has someone there for him to chill with. I love that sociable but I just don’t like it when he’s too overly nice to girls (like with some of my friends in the past), but we talked about this and got past it.
Richie also told me last night that he’s going to go to John’s apartment tomorrow for a get-together of a few people. He didn’t list much and the people that he listed I knew already. I guess I felt iffy about it because he mentioned they were going to get together and like drink or something. So I was like oh so this is a drinking party? And he was like no no it’s just a get-together. I think I’m just going to have it in my mind that he’s just at a get-together, not some drinking thing. I guess I have a thing with people drinking a lot. I feel like those parties seem like they are for young people, trying to experience what college life feels like. Oh well, I’m just not going to be worried about them because I know they’re probably going to get together and just chillax, play games, maybe have a drink or two. Nothing too excessive.
Yesterday a good friend and I were talking about our boyfriends. We’re both in long distance relationships so we find each other to be a support. I was feeling really bummed and down and feeling lonely in general. I just missed my Richie so much. We’ve been in this long distance for about 3 months now, but it’s still hard, every single day. I think it just takes a lot of willpower on my part to help me feel better. I can’t keep wanting to talk to him to make me feel better. He cant be my antidote forever, you know? Sometimes, I’m just afraid that he might give up on us, but this only shows my lack of faith in our relationship. I must have some FAITH!
When past things come up and it bothers me, I just remind myself that I’m past it. Thinking about it and being bothered by it means I’m going back on myself, devolution.
I’ve been going to bed really late but for some reason have been getting up really really early. For example, last night I was up late watching Star Trek and fell asleep around 6:05 am and I suddenly woke up at 7:45 am without an alarm. I think there’s something that might be bothering me mentally. Maybe I should start doing Vert Phys studying soon, lol. Yeah I’ll do that later today after I finish my paper.
I woke up this morning like every morning, feeling empty and a bit sad. Nothing overwhelming though. Just a slight feeling of loneliness and being sad. Thank God it’s not overwhelming like it was in the past. When the sadness was overwhelming was waking up after my break up with Jet. It was terrible. Reality hit me like a train coming through. But this time around when I wake up, I don’t feel that type of overwhelming sorrow. This one is just me being pouty and spoiled, having my boyfriend around me all the time. I gotta man up! I just need o keep on reminding myself:
- There is nothing wrong with us!
- I’m being pouty for no reason.
- We’re doing great!
- He loves me unconditionally <3
Yesterday his friends were chilling with this one girl and Richie thought that they were only playing beer pong because they were trying to get the girl drunk. That’s really dumb b/c just because there’s ONE girl there doesn’t mean all the fucking attention goes to her. I think he underestimates his friends to like a high degree. I was like “So…do you like getting girls drunk?” And he said “I liked getting you drunk ;) but no I don’t like getting girls drunk, wtf is wrong with you.” LOL blunt.
He told me he didn’t feel left out about not going out last night. I believe him completely because I know Richie to be the type of person that is really blunt and straightforward about his feelings on things. He’s really honest too and I love that. I can get a honest answer without him being wishy washy about it.
When I see Martin and his girlfriend Linh, I feel like they give me hope for my relationship. They are also in a long distance relationship like I am with Richie! Different cities, different cities that we live in too. Him and I happen to live in Dallas/Ft. Worth and our SOs happen to both live in Houston. I can tell that he loves her so much and I know that’s how Richie feels about me. I think this distance is finally helping me understand the faith Richie has in our relationship. It was so much more than mine, but now I can understand it as well as he does.
I feel so much stronger than a person in a normal relationship. Like my roommate went through a break with her boyfriend for 1.5 weeks and she couldn’t even make it through. There’s not strength in her at all. They’re now all lovey dovey again. I dunno, I look down on that because there’s no growing involved. It’s just a void space to fill.
Just one of those days where I feel extra crappy …. Wish you were here Richie. =\ In a way, it’s a good thing you’re not. I need to get through this myself.
I sometimes wish I was stronger than I am now. I really wanted to be stronger, but I feel like my sadness keeps bringing me down. I need to stop being sad about Richie. He’s definitely not sad that I’m not there. He has friends to go to and he’s with his family. I’m just here by myself in Austin. Many friends have graduated, family is 3.5 hrs away. Lonely me =( I miss companionship.
Gosh I’m missing him so much. I just hope that we’re going to be OK through this distance. I yearn so much to just reach over and kiss him. It would be so easy to do that, you know? But I feel like this distance only makes me stronger. I know that I can depend on myself too, but it also strengthens my relationship with Richie.
I still feel horrible about being mean to him when I picked him up from the airport, but I feel like I’ve been so good to him. I can be allowed to slip up =\ Even though I have this mindset, I still feel horrible. I miss him so much.
I’m just going to keep reminding myself that he’s always with me, every where I go. He’s always in my heart.
At least I’m not in a situation where I’m on a break with him or something. My roommate’s boyfriend wants to be on a break with her for SEVEN MONTHS. That’s just…ridiculous….Thank goodness I’m not in that situation. I still have my loving boyfriend :3
Here comes that time again when Richie has to leave. He visited me for 2 weeks and he also had some job interviews here in Austin too.
I want him around me all the time :( I wish he didn’t have to go. It only feels like yesterday that he came to visit me that Thursday night. He had a haircut and was looking so sharp.
We had a fight last night that made me cry myself to sleep. It was stupid and I wish we didn’t have it.
I’m going to miss him so much. I feel so bummed.